These jalepeños are a gas, gas, gas - Chico Enterprise-Record

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For 35 years I didn’t know how to burp.

I don’t know if it was a mental block or what, but if I tried to burp on purpose I just couldn’t do it.

This doesn’t seem like it would be a problem, being in polite society and all, but a few years ago I began to develop incapacitating gas and stomach cramps that would not go away no matter what I did and what I took.

Obviously the solution was to belch it out. Obviously.

I spent countless nights sitting on the edge of my boyfriend’s bed while we passed a bottle of beer between us. He would burp, then I would try to imitate him. With each little expulsion of gas my stomach pains would ease.

I’d show up randomly at my friend’s house and ask for burping lessons. He’d eye me like I was sprouting an extra head, then slowly lead me into the kitchen and press a soda into my hands. The relief was temporary but welcomed nonetheless.

After one particularly nasty stomach attack left me screaming in pain on the floor, my doctor told me not to worry, I was just lactose intolerant. I spent the next three years living a sad dairy-free life and eating sad cheeseless pizza.

The stomach attacks were still there, just not as often.

One night after class got out late I met up with a bunch of classmates at a nearby pub. We drank beers, ordered food, and talked about the upcoming midterm. I ordered an appetizer of jalapeño poppers expecting to share.

But I didn’t share. I ate them all.

I spent the night in the shower, cradling a bucket and crying in pain. This time nothing would help, and 48 hours later I found myself being wheeled into the operating room for emergency gallbladder surgery.

Maybe I wasn’t lactose intolerant after all.

Just kidding, I still was.

This recipe for stuffed jalepeños isn’t the same one that sent me to the ER: those were some kind of deep fried monstrosity that tasted amazing, but I don’t remember what was in them. These jalepeños are stuffed with a mixture of soy chorizo and cream cheese, and then either fried on a grill or popped into the oven until the skin of the jalepeños gets a nice char and the cheese oozes into a good melty mess.

Chorizo-stuffed jalapeños

Ingredients

6 medium to large jalapenños, halved and seeded

1/2 tube of soy chorizo

1 block of cream cheese

Directions

Preheat oven to 450.

Mix soy chorizo and cream cheese together until blended smooth.

Stuff each jalapeño half until overflowing.

Bake for 20 minutes.

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These jalepeños are a gas, gas, gas - Chico Enterprise-Record
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